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A woman goes into her lawyers office requesting a divorce.

He is taking all of her background information and asks her, 'Do you have grounds for a divorce?'

To which she replies, 'Well, we have three acres.'

'No, ma'am. What I mean is, does he beat you up?' asks the attorney.

'No, I get up around 6:30 and he sleeps until 7:00,' she responds.

Feeling a little frustrated the attorney asks, 'Lady, tell me, do you have a grudge?'

Looking very confident she states, 'No, we have a carport.'

At this point the lawyer has lost his patience and asks, 'Look, Lady, why do you want a divorce?'

'Because he can't hold an intelligent conversation!'





I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this remote thingy,'"she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."





I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out there was a d*mn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked-nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! So I called him a piece of horse sh*t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first... then started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a d*mn -- my car was parked around the corner.





Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."

Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"







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