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A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'"

A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that."

The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?"

The member of the flock said, "I sure could."

"How would you do it?"

"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"





One of those rich biologists working for a large consulting firm sees an advertisement for a $99 wildlife cruise, so he goes down to his travel agent and shells out the money. The travel agent hits him over the head with a baseball bat, stuffs him into a sack, throws him out the back window onto a raft and cuts the raft loose.

The biologist wakes up to find himself adrift in the middle of the ocean along with a fellow consulting firm biologist. The first biologist says, "I hope they serve dinner on this cruise." The second biologist replies, "They didn't last year."





So, there was this guy who was terribly overweight. A buddy of his suggested he go on a diet. "I'll tell you what I did to lose weight. Eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, I guarantee, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

A couple of weeks later when they meet again, his buddy was shocked to discover that his friend had lost nearly 60 pounds! "Why, that's amazing! Did you follow my instructions?"

The guy nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."





A baby polar bear asks his mother if he is 100% polar bear. "Of course you are, I am 100% polar bear, your father is 100% polar bear, so you are 100% polar bear." Still not assured, the baby polar bear asks his father. "Of course you're 100% polar bear. My mother and father were 100% polar bear and your mother's parents were 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear."

"Why do you wonder if you're 100% polar bear?"

"Cause I'm freezing my little ass off, that's why!!!!"





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